Bit of background

Thought I’d give you all a bit of background about myself, so perhaps you’d get a bit more understanding why and where exactly my mind’s at atm. Well apparently I was the worst baby in the world. Mum got to that desperate stage when I was a 1 yr old and became a ‘born again Christian’. My Dad is an atheist (hasn’t really changed much), so Mum took us 4 kids to church every Sunday morning. When I was about 13 yrs old, I stopped going with Mum. I decided to not worry too much about God when I got to High School, put Him on the back burner and focus on guys, partying, alcohol and drugs. It’s just what any parent would want for their child, or is that their worst nightmare? – I know what it would be for me as a parent! I was definitely not in a good place for about 5 years, but I always knew that God was real and knew all about Jesus and always felt that I was doing the wrong thing. I had nightmares about going to hell in that time too, that made me feel even more guilty (my opinions about the ‘guilt’ feeling have changed over the past few years too, which will definitely come up in this blog sometime).

One night, I was at a party (pretty drunk before I got there) and had a headache, so I took a few headache tablets, then someone offered me some drugs and didn’t hesitate. I can’t remember how long it was after I had taken all that, that I started feeling sick, my heart was throbbing extremely fast and felt like it was going to explode, extremely dizzy and out-of-it. I threw up, then all I wanted to do was to lie down and go to sleep. The guy I was with put me on a bed to try and sleep it off and he just sat down next to me for a while to make sure I was OK. I had a real bad feeling, that if I did close my eyes, I would actually die. Anyway, I couldn't stop my eyes from closing and had this nightmare / vision thing (I was telling this guy everything that I was seeing) that all the people at the party were just getting shot, stabbed and slaughtered. I was freaking out, so swallowing my pride I desperately yelled out to God to help me and save me in my last hour, because I literally felt that ‘this was it, my life was over’. Straight away I became sober and felt this amazing feeling of totally peace, love, joy, freedom all mixed together and it was the most REAL feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. No drug could ever compare to it – could never even come close. This was so real, I just couldn’t believe that I didn’t call out to God sooner and I knew 100% that God was real, no one could ever take that away from me. God was the only one who could’ve helped me out of that situation, no one else could’ve and didn’t even try. I knew that everyone there probably thought I was a complete nutter! Especially after the fact that I couldn’t help but tell everyone what had happened. To be honest though, I really didn’t care what they thought, because I knew in myself that what I experienced was more real than even life itself. Anyway, I haven’t looked back since, but I must say, the journey and my relationship I’ve had with God over the years, has changed dramatically! There have been a lot of wrong things that I’ve been taught by others and accepted, that I haven’t checked up on myself, so really it is my own fault being misled. It’s amazing how much we can just accept in our lives when we don’t have to. The funny thing is, (or should I say disturbing thing is,) that the majority of people who do believe in God ARE misled. As a result, people who don’t believe are hearing the wrong information. I might leave it at that for now, save the rest for some more posts.